These writings span over ten years



Vulnerable Narcissim

Vulnerable narcissism is when you are the victim of your circumstances. You want everyone to feel sorry for you, and you retain a “woe is me” attitude. The other selfish person has grandiose behavior that makes them want to control all life situations.

I admit that I had the victim mentality before and a little bit after my mother’s passing in 2013. I was gullible, and some malicious people could quickly tell that about me by my interactions on the Internet and social media. It took up until a short time ago for me to change this about myself.

I can now detect people’s nonsense both online and in person. There are certain things they do to make themselves known. The worst ones are those representing programs or applications you have bought for security, for which I did regarding Norton anti-virus. They sent an email for which I did not bother to see the email address, and I called them instantly and got coerced into letting them steal money from my bank account.

I didn’t realize it until too late and once again was devastated. To begin with, I never had much money, and yet I let it go out of my ignorance of people who have no regrets for stealing from anyone. I take every new correspondence with a grain of salt and now look at it closely.

Vulnerable Narcissism Creates a Victim Mentality

The ignorance of quickly falling for scams and malicious people is self-centered in a way that is not attractive to other people toward you. I learn each day how to better myself and get far away from such damaging interactions that affect my life.

As a friend called it, a martyr is the destruction of a zealous person dedicated to a particular belief. To get out of such situations, it took time for me to think of myself a little selfishly not to be a doormat to anyone.

I’m learning more about myself every day. My continued progress involves minimal self-sufficient survival skills for living simpler without having many material possessions.

I know that my baggage will not go with me when I die. Therefore, there is no need to accumulate and make it more significant than it already is.

Vindictive People

Vindictive people or those that hold a grudge aren’t easily detectable at first. I’m not venomous, but I inhibit anger, which isn’t healthy. Therefore, I let out this anger through art, reading, meditating, and workout. Some people let out anger verbally and loudly, which too can be a problem.

Some years ago, I took an assertiveness training class with a veteran’s group. We learned to project the emotion of anger in healthy ways. I continue to get accused of being passive-aggressive but only by four or five non-professionally during my life so far. Though, I admit that I’m not an angry person, nor have I needed some form of anger-management therapy. I know people that have, and that therapy did help. I also know people that need it but won’t admit they have anger issues.

Vindictive people want to see harm done to anyone that had done them wrong. I’ve known several people who hold grudges and want some hurtful things done to people. I have had to talk some people down, but some won’t let it go and fester this feeling.

Vindictive People Are Good at Hiding That Vice

Also, I’m overly emotional and wear my heart on my shirt sleeve. I have much passion for many things, which others can’t handle too well. My blood relatives understand me more than other people do. I’m eclectically different than many people.

I’m not great at romantic relationships with women. Therefore, at almost sixty-three years old, I don’t know if I will find a woman before finishing out the life that would take me for who I am. I’m not changing for anyone but myself. Any change I make is only to help me improve as a person.

In my younger days, there were times I felt vindictive against those men who threatened my life. I have long forgiven them, but it took me a while to forgive myself for getting into that situation. The past is gone and thinking about the wrong things is not helping me, so I learned to quit doing it.

Coldness of the Void

Void gives me chills. I instead want to feel pain than be in a place of emptiness. Spiritual teachers and scientists are figuring out how to fill the spaces that we think are meaningless. Even the futility of outer space has proven to have substance and character.

Earlier, we considered anything that we could not perceive as antimatter. In that space are information for processing our universe, the earth, and humans. We live in a three-dimensional world with things we don’t know about other dimensions and what it has in it as far as substance.

I meet people and later find their attitude toward me change. Somehow, they gained incomplete information about something I said or did and made an instant judgment that questions our friendship. I often walk away, not wanting to start an argument or get into conflict. I will accept that I am that way to them and usually leave on their lousy reasoning.

I admit that I’m not great at keeping friends and did not have a best friend in my youth for too long. Though I would think that is why I know my thoughts are wrong many times, I cannot even trust them. I have crazy ideas and dreams of what I want my life to be, but it does not work out the way I want or intend.

Voidness Gives Me Chills Because Its Something Unknown to Me

Why do I sometimes sense disunity among friends? I don’t know, nor can I explain my reasoning. Maybe it’s a gut feeling that I didn’t have much of earlier in my life but do now. I’ll be looking for answers for a long time.

There are at least two options of a glass being half empty or half full. The half-empty glass is pessimism, and the half-full glass is optimism. The empty glass has no explanation that I understand yet.

That is where I’m at on this thought, but if anyone has an explanation that would benefit me, please don’t be afraid to comment and let me know if you want that comment publicly shared.

Make your life complete, and you may not experience the void.